What do I say to the newcomer?

Good morning Faithful Reader – 11/5/2021

As promised, I will be sharing some of my posts in this group to my personal timeline in November as a way to bring about awareness of parents who have lost a child to suicide. This is my final public post and no link to this group or mention of anyone here will be made.

What do I say to the newcomer?

My name is Bob and my son Anthony killed himself a little over four years ago at the age of 35. I say this to claim my seat here and show my connection with a club that no one wishes to be a member of.

What do I say to the newcomer? I usually find myself saying “I hope you find some comfort here”. You have all seen it when you were approved to join this community. You have probably noticed that we are all seeing it in our timelines every time a new person joins our group. You have also probably noticed that there are now multiple members joining our group on a daily basis and I am honestly sad to say that we are growing rather quickly. I also say it because it was the first thing that made sense to me in the two years from the time my son killed himself, until I found this group and those words were perfect.

What I would most like to say to the newcomer is that I hope you keep coming back. If you can work up the courage, set a goal of clicking the care button on just 1 post today in this room that means something to you. I promise you, once you make that first click then the others will be easier. If you have to scream, then scream but keep coming. If you have to yell and rant and cry, then do so but keep coming. If you can’t do anything but stare at the pictures or feel your pain, then please keep coming. When you get healthy enough, you will probably ask yourself why you keep coming but I promise you that when that question is asked that the answer will already be inside of you.

How does it work for me? I came into this room hopeless and within these digital walls I have found hope. I had to first admit that I needed help and that I couldn’t do this alone. I had to keep coming back and listening, sharing my experiences with others and in that I found strength. We share our common experience, strength and hope with each other openly and without judgement in the hopes of finding a strategy to get through one more minute, hour or day as we can. We reach out to others to try to share with them our journey. We have learned that we can never get over this, around it or through it. We have however learned with acceptance that we can let it go for short periods of time and return to our lives and our families with enough strength to get through one more time.

I also learned, and you may not be able to hear this right this moment, that if you open yourself up to the journey through grief then amazing things will enter your life. I know you don’t believe that, but please believe that I believe it. All the proof I need is in this room, in my timeline, in my family and among my friends because without this, I honestly would never have met you and become the man I am today standing before you.

I look forward to being back in this group privately and have appreciated you allowing me to share my posts for the past four days both in here and on my timeline. I am also grateful to my friends, family and loved ones who have reached out during this week who may have heard too many things about me that they wished they didn’t know. I am grateful to you all for playing a role in my journey through grief.

Welcome to the club that no one wishes to be a member of and I hope that you find some comfort here.