“No man can be truly free whose liberty is dependent upon the thought, feeling and action of others, and who has himself no means in his own hands for guarding, protecting, defending and maintaining that liberty.” — Frederick Douglass
Grief can rob us of any sense of freedom. The loss of a child locks us into a life we never wanted. Many grieving parents feel trapped between memories and the demands of daily life. The world continues moving while we stand still. Other people expect us to “be strong,” to “move on,” or to “stay positive.” Relying on the comfort or understanding of others can leave us even more isolated. True healing often begins when we stop waiting for others to make space for our grief. We must begin to guard that space ourselves.
Freedom in grief is not the absence of pain. Freedom is the ability to feel our sorrow without shame. The right to grieve without needing to explain ourselves is essential. Grieving parents must claim ownership of how we mourn. One person may cry daily. Another may stay silent for years. There is no right or wrong way to carry the loss of a child. But relying on others for permission can deepen our suffering. Freedom begins when we allow ourselves to feel fully, without fear of judgment. That kind of freedom is hard-won.
The strength to maintain emotional liberty does not come easily. The pressure to “perform healing” for others can be overwhelming. We may feel responsible for making others comfortable with our loss. But healing does not require performance. Healing requires protection. We must defend the boundaries that keep our grief sacred. The world will not always understand the pain of losing a child. But we can hold space for our own mourning. That space becomes a shelter where healing can begin, even slowly.
Thought for today: Protect your right to grieve in your own way. Freedom in mourning begins when you stop asking for permission.